extra dark coffee

I don’t know how it began But i once saw few strands  Of tears on a guy so sharp I looked at his eyes, they could tear apart Anyone he looked with that murderous glare Which were nothing short of a death stare But it was filled with sadness too Thy guy who shouted out of blue ‘I will get you no matter what I have to do For my love is so fucking true” I saw him leave  But I believed That what he said he could achieve On the same day I saw a girl as well Same tear strands same sharp stare But her stare was more cold than the guys The stare which was devoid of life And for some reason I knew  That she had been severely skewed In her heart up by some shit And had lost every bit  Of happiness she had  And that she was about to be mad The eyes so sad Shit had to be fucked up bad No hope, no light, I didn’t see them no more How long has it been since I knew them? Well i know them and what they have been Through si...

he was dark as dark as darkness can be filled with scars as far as the eye can see and still, he smiles and still le lies that he is fine when in fact he is desperately trying to survive. he is hurt, a past trauma still afresh he randomly blurts and pinches his flesh so this is how he has been living, hiding darkness within hiding a demon which wants to be seen a beast so caged a soul enraged but all he wants is to just be accepted for his true self a true self that is weird and funny at the same time a true self who loves beer and dreams of wine but NO! not acceptable is what they said so he is an outcast, he has laid his hopes of being accepted to rest and now just hopes to meet someone who accepts his weirdness... just one person is enough She was torn since the moment she was born and still, she smiled hiding behind her teary eyes despite wanting to dive deep in the sea and choke to death, never breathe she lived to tell the tale the tale of a ship s...

Deep eyes sweet smell A storm inside u can't tell Broken bones thick scars And yet c smiles no holds barred Am I dumb or just hopeless Idiot falling for them scars -nut case But I have n oh I have So deep even my own crap Smells good just like food Doinnng da heck Reality check. Still the same A tiny frame So it wasn't a dream With no scream Rare cases but happy face Wipe those traces Of tear stains off her face Buy her a pretty dress Small kisses quick peck Guess I am an idiot for her sake A madman n a broken bone N so I phone Her n say Come what my I'll be there at the end of the day # Murasakino Hana -Yakaa: Jujaan

a flower so bright stained by life and in the darkness of the night she tries to fight with the demons inside her head sucking out her life but now it's over the fight, a black clover symbol of demons hover around her; demons are her lover a flower so white now seems dark to sight she traps the light and fights with all her might a dark light: a paradox a sweet innocent dangerous fox a darkness trapped in a box a darkness she once sought is jow caged inside never got out but it has tried and she is done; she has cried and a smile so bright is mostly a lie a flower now dark way off the mark her screams not heard oh hark trapped in a glass jar and so she smiles her bright smile insecure inside; has been defiled her pain inside organized-filed she is happy or is she a lost child a purple hue happiness overdue but she found a dew of hope-cool but lewd so her smile so wide hides secrets inside a flower so soft tear it n u'll see rough she ain't no buff and yes she huffs an...

loud noises silent screams where is peace- so pristine hidden rage-hidden tears to express lack of means  and so he hides under cover of a blanket never sober parents shouting at each others lungs out he has no clue what's it all about and when the day silences he hears a banging oh! so loud bottles thrown hatred grown but this kid can only mourn hiding beneath the cover staying away from the trouble cause he has enough shit on there fat too much to care for the outside world so he closes his eyes and makes make-believe makes whit lies as a shield from chaos his face adrenaline rush but he holds his hand tight fist formed ready to fight from this place grows his spite to the world chaos wild a trauma from birth, he holds his breath destroyed family-self caged so he just pretends it's all just staged just to control his rage red blood blodshot eyes dark pupil filled with cries and in his mind, he wants to die but he believes he has to fight ...

You see it too don't you? the message he is trying to  get through  to people the message of isolation and the message of violation of ones self esteem made by the provocative mind those minds who act carelessly and spew out fake facts trying to act kind those minds who are blind to self, trying to find a way to feel god but not trying to love for they think that the shadow deserves it  the fire's lit deep down his empty pit casting the shadow as he grits his teeth he wants to say that come what may the shadow is calmer than  the darkest of the days when the light goes out of the way to seek shelter from the pain the words he speaks are plain as well for he remembers  the highjacked plane and the lives slayn the bloodshot screams and stains etched in brain caused by troubled brats holding a strong belief of honing their craft of torture as a rebel to the world die they may but did we get the message...

"do you really think you want to live? are you sure that that is what you believe?" he says as I try not to scream in agony confused-is this a reality or just a dream "shut up! you don't know me" "of course I do, I see everything you see and I know how you feel and what you want to be where do you think I live? Get your shit straight I'm inside your deep mind and know you and Fuck it, I can see through your lies and your truth and that hope that you have is a rotting fruit" "what do you want me to say? that my hope is a cracked clay vase admit that I am night-not a day? admit that it is a false ray of hope that I am hanging on to? reluctantly doing shits that I do? Isn't me being alive a proof enough to make a room for the light to pass on to right the past deeds done wrong???" "But you are not that strong one sharp turn and you are done" "Agreed but I have a goal to reach to melt that time t...

i am here... i was here....  i feel u dear but those friendly glares have somewhat turned to a nightmare n now i fear those stares wanna be alone but i still care n some people i still want to be by my side but i just wanna hide from the rest... no will to fight i don't see no light ahead n have no will to fight n i soo wana be gone from the memories, not alone but isolated n on the run ain't got no fun n i might as well be a stone prone to everything yet sensitive as hell n i wanna yell n.yelp for help but i hsve to be the strong one n for the sins i must atone.... -Yakaa: Jujaan

Am I the only one who is just one step away from being gone and ending up dead? I feel no fun dreams of Maid Cleaning a stone Under my bed for I'm scared of it a monster inside I try to conceal and time I bide trying not to feel and feelings I hide people made deals I agree- I lied a burden on ribs and internal pain dried up lips messed up brain collected clips has somehow tamed the beast inside and things I lied and broken ships tears reversed - bloody lips and so I bite.... -Yakaa: Jujaan

the dark of the night the one i don't despise that slight light in an impossible height and as i try to reach it it tries to slip past me but i believe that i can reach it and seek some happiness and gain some defence in this unfair chess my the match is a mess played by this nut case with an almost numb face and as he memebers a trace of a human face not so far that war inside him subsides and in that moment of peace some might returns to him somehow the battle now doesn't seem to be that impossible now not a clown anymore he feels not gonna kneel anymore to the fate and mind shit cause that face brought him some peace that moon, halo around it reminds him of her that girl with some curls in her hair..... -yakaa: jujaan

and it strikes again that same old pain my look: full of destain that memory of being insane that fake ass mane i put up-damn lame and this rain ain't my dame so i don't like it this feling of being a piece of shit that person long gone-damn i miss her an i curse up my life a life i despise yea i have a goal to not let anybody roll through my way of pain..... -yakaa: jujaan

*snap* i snapped out i looked around but had a doubt is this real or just a thought this feeling of happiness that i have got the happiness i once lost the happiness i desperately sought for my entire life happiness once fed to hornets hive the doubt: i'm delirious the doubt: my mind's a mush so i am not sure if this is just a lure a lure to lure me into abyss again a lure to make me more insane but I do feel happy not much but a bit more chatty cuz for the first time in a long time I have stopped to whine and cry about the shits and despite being almost out of medikits to heal my mind Ifeel a kind aura surrounding my soul and although that ghoul that sucks the light dry still stares yes! Ican feel it's presence-it's still there but for now, I'm totally shielded and now i have a two hilted sword for my self defence and hence I  can face forward and my vision is sharp  than ever before and i can remember who bore and tore the ground ...

-yakaa: jujaan

unsure of what i am wether reality is just a scam of my mind; an illusion and I'm living in a delusion or is the reality this chaotic that most people are just a sick bunch of neurons trying desperately to just survive working together just to support life and i found beauty in simplicity beauty in naivety and in this sea of atrocity I exist: numb and emotional a paradox and hypocritical a manic of an existance nothing more than a coctail of chemical substance streaming shitty thoughts of the people I've lost of those internal battles fought of the rare happinesd once sought yea! I must be delusional so who is me by default? a lover? a cool kid or just a fool FUCK! My sanity is about to slip forever into the Erebus pit bit I'll hold on to it as long as I can still this will be my last stand -yakaa: jujaan

i know a dark night is today oh! look how quietly you lay on a wooden chair tied by Led about to be dead by being fed to flies after I chop off your head oh! look how beautifully you scream never would you have dreamed that you'll be in a flim wached on the screens of those psychos like me those who want to see a dying body those who likes the screams but back to me wanna know how I came to be??? well it's easy was damn well bullied when I was a kid was forced to eat the road side dogs shit and drink my own puke and forced to duke it out with the wall best by a guy so fat but used to it: alcoholic dad a mom so sad and almost near mad yet I survived bit I dived too deep without emotions cuz of those shitty runs from the cops cause I stole some cough drops it became a high of sorts hiding, killing, trying to force the cops to find me my own version of hide n seek what??? tired already??? just hold steady while I slit your throat and cover...

it's funny how i survived funny hos my life was never anything fun or boring funny how i could wake up mid-snoring but i have been down-deeper than the sea i have gone days without a wink of sleep just cause of those thoughts that ate me alive i am a guy but was willing to be deaths wife i was doing everything to not despise this life so i created lies to believe that i ain't no weak n haveb some hope lies that made me buy a super strong rope and tie it to a tree of belief a belief that i was not a weak ass person a belief that i am my safest home and that belief is what turned me strong maybe once a fake but it is now wrong one fake ray of hope tuened genuine can't believe after all those things i've been through that one white lie would make me thrive in this chaos and let me surv;ve -yakaa: jujaan

kaam chhaina kaaj chhaina hidne bela laaz chhaina tarkarima pyaz chhaina jhutho abhas chhaina aruko pyari wife uthai lanchhu using knife but chhaina killer vibe in bhitri manma gayou hami banma thiyou hami runma jhyap bhayi funna budha lai k bhanchhas bhai? uthai sakis malai bhai sun mero bhanai ani badh mero kalai ani bhan oi budha hand ma chha chura so mag gar bhai pura n patha malai cash n do nth rash refill my stash of high quality hash gare maile call but chhaina kehi bhar gare VPN install ani dial gare number merai budhi pauchhas? kina yati satauchhas? feri hash harauchhas? ani ghar kina dhilo auchhas? prashna ayo phone baata bhsko thiyo dherai raata hatyo mero maata repeatma thiyo kanda bhauju ghurirathi malai mukhma 2 sutta lagai haatma thiyo ek salai "balla hosh khulyo talai?" bale ek churot ani farke ma gharma daile bhannu bgayo ali para sarna hatisakyo mero dar tai mathi ta chha ni bhar just wild jhyap nahu ani jutta ko g...

"what is the strongest hate" i heard as someone said and it made me remember her face... she was an angel someone who seemed like fall ever so changing and mature with whom I'd feel secure but she also had a tornado inside her a silent yet deafening murmur and me? i was a rain always drained and i was desert always ready to blurt total nonsesne and deep shits always clenching my fists and she...attracted me and i could somehow feel a string sense of love for that fall and yet i got mauled by her without herintention and not to mention the times i got hurt when i hopelessly tried to flirt she was the meaning of control and freedom and i was a nomad whose life was to roam and so i began to search for a chance to express my feelings but she already knew them yet she had a mean-ing streak and ignored them, became close and once i knew it i shut the door and went back to the drawing board and all that love stored turned dark and left a mark......

Impossible! i said but i had to let my heart take a look at her and suddenly my sense went dull i jolted back to the present and i thought it was never meant to happen; was just a dream i cleched my jaw; stopped the scream that place-that moment that glow-that faint scent of hers that'll remain in my heart, forever it will stain i could've said please don't leave but even after years i can't still believe that she was gone; gone into dust and in my heart the metalic rust has covered it to the brim well after all it was just a dream and i guess i realize it now i have to accept that fact somehow the fact that she has already died a while back but her departure has left a huge crack a cracdk that shoots right across as a slap reminding me "we always want what we cannot have" #seraphin (this is an encient # of  a person who is usually mentioned here so.... meh! figure it out) -Yakaa: Jujaan

I've told you that I'm toxic I've told you that I'm sick I'll destroy you beyond repair while all you can do is stare blankly at the wall having no will to start over again cause things will never be the same oh! don't get me wrong i will make you strong but once I'm done I'll be gone from your life i will make you strive for the better i will lure you from the shadows to the light i will brighten your life but them  I'll be gone and you will loose a part of your home so don't love me so much dn't be so quick to judge my intentions are selfless don't be so quick to caress my face and cling to me i am too selfish for my own being i am guiding you towards light with all my might just cause seeing people in darkness makes me wanna cut my own flesh so I'm doing this for me a selfish intention only i can see,,, -yakaa: jujaan