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exhausting happiness

it was my plan to meet up
but yea i had to stop
and think twice before
i made that decision for
to be happy i need to put aside
my stoic front and besides
smiling and laughing is tiresome for me
people don't normally see
that stoicism is easy to accept
so i smile and laugh except
when i'm on my own
normally at my home
cause i need time to recharge
after any and every large
group meeting
it may just be sitting
and talking but i need it
of course i can be happy
but i just don't perfer
it
i'll always be afraid cause
time has told me again and again
so i'm afraid to see the same
results coming back
bu then i have panic attacks
after every long period of happiness
so i'd rather choose the stoic kiss....
(well it was my birthday today so i'd arranged for a group union. i was happy for most of the time but it was exhausting and i had a panic attack in between. after that attack i just pretended to be happy. -_- . anyway this poem is for the introverts and those suffering from panic attacks. hope you enjoy it.)
-yakaa: jujaa:

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