extra dark coffee

it was defeaning when this silence began i used to go out whenever i can and build castles made up of sand but now everything seems so bland no new taste, no new flavour so i did myself a favor i shut myself indoor and began crying on the floor cause this black emotion had just set in and since then it's all i've been feeling but i've gone to many places, i've been in a lot of situations and seen a lot of things but i can't get rid of this thing thats sown its seed deep in my heart which makes you feel alone, the one that takes all your feeling and makes you numb that takes away all your senses and makes you dumb this feeling grew, to the point that i began to mumble shits and began to fumble my feelings afraid to let them go it made me feel so alone, even in crowd, even among familiar faces and that's just one of the cases yet i can't escape this feeling of loneliness -yakaa: jujaa (written by the demand of a friend)

a thousand thoughts running on my head and those thoughts are laid on a piece of paper but left unsaid burning that piece of paper on ashtray's gate believing that fate will erase those feelings and make 'em gone for good cause those feelinga have no home not a single place to go, not a single place to come from and not a single place to stay, i'm done trying to speak my thoughts done trying to express the battles i've fought from my mouth so i write 'em in a paper, that fight for my attention knowing that they'd be left unread and are going to be ignored for the rest of eternity but those words will stay in my head i'd want to read them i'd want to spread them so i write them and copy them and write again even though i have nothing to gain except the relief from the grief that i can't express -yakaa: jujaa (the reason why i started this blog)

i've lived long enough not long but just long enough to have faced enough to care about my past the one that's not so vast but that's enough to have taught me something vast enough to have defined me as living being it consists of pleasure and pain consists of losses and gain consists of days different and same includes me being insane and sane but now that i've reached this state now that it's gotten this late at night, near the midnights gate the future frightens me the new day that i'm afraid to see but its not only the future its the future of loosingthe home loosing all the sight of the pain i've been through loosing the things that makes me who i am and living another day the same way like u were just born yesterday and forgetting the past like being born just today... -yakaa: jujaa