extra dark coffee

socially isolated mentally debated that's what i was loneliness was the cause and that stage lasted for years and i'd shed many tears during that time but i changed i trained my mind to fight to survive in this game called life now i have friends even though they're a bit insane so i try to enjoy i ain't that boy who used to be depressed and suppressed but yea! that part still exists to some extent, it still visits me time and again that feeling of pain (i have no idea why the hell i wrote this one. it just came to me as suddenly as i felt that stinging feeling.)\ -yakaa: jujaa:

it's midnight here and as i stare into the blank piece of paper those razor sharp thoughts come into my head and as i remain dazed so disturbed with thoughts that was brought forth by the very thing i love the very thing that symbolizer dove the silence i hear the tip-top as the time nearly stops the tick-tock of the clock and it blocks all the thoughts in my mind and lets the pleasure shine the pleasure of solitude but that's a different hue soon the memories flood back in both seen and unseen the memory of loved ones and the memory of fun i've had in the past it shatters like a glass as i almost break down and so i frown unable to think straight #midnight_thoughts -yakaa: jujaa:

it was my plan to meet up but yea i had to stop and think twice before i made that decision for to be happy i need to put aside my stoic front and besides smiling and laughing is tiresome for me people don't normally see that stoicism is easy to accept so i smile and laugh except when i'm on my own normally at my home cause i need time to recharge after any and every large group meeting it may just be sitting and talking but i need it of course i can be happy but i just don't perfer it i'll always be afraid cause time has told me again and again so i'm afraid to see the same results coming back bu then i have panic attacks after every long period of happiness so i'd rather choose the stoic kiss.... (well it was my birthday today so i'd arranged for a group union. i was happy for most of the time but it was exhausting and i had a panic attack in between. after that attack i just pretended to be happy. -_- . anyway this poem is for t...

for so long i've trained for so long i've strained my mind but finally the results are in i'm better than i've ever been no more bad emotions inside me besides those i cant see no i wont express them in my face  and that just rests my case of pain i've felt all those words i've never said will pour out through my pen yea i know that there ain't much to gain by doing this but i'm doing this just because i want to just because i have to it's my own resolve that might just solve many problems that i have yes i'm mad for even trying to put up a stoic front when my mind's a war zone no place to call home for my mind, barely there, mostly gone cause the more i put the stoic front the more insane i'll become but i have to do that for those i love i have to be that peaceful dove that everyone wants me to be and by everyone i mean the voices inside me... (its been a long time since the voices inside me (criss and seu...

after laughter comes tears and that's the one thing i fear but i saw them and it was not the same feeling i once had i once used to be glad to see them in others eyes but that's the one thing i now despise especially on her oh! how i wish i could call but it's the middle of the night and she isn't in my sight cause i've just woken up cause the nightmares just won't stop even though it was just a dream it was like a horror film but i saw them tears on the person i care and that's wearing me down... #promise (well i saw this nightmare about a week ago and it broke me apart.i woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. and even though it's been a week, it still haunts me to this day) -yakaa: jujaa:

no we're not related but i guess our meet was fated those events that made us close those hoes that drew the bond at first i was just conned to be his side-kick and i made him lick my wounds of depression but soon we became passionate about each other and even though we had many flaws we ended up together we became each others claws to fight for real and wipe our tears i found a brother in a friend #khyampwa (well i've been saving this one for a hell lota time. i wanted to write this sooner but well what can i say m a lazy guy. this is a poem about me and a friend with whom my bond exceeded to more than just friend. love him though) -yakaa: jujaa: