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out of meds out of beds

There was a guy who heard voices... who lived in the past... who lived inside his head
and conversed in his head never talked much but that was only cause no one understood what he said, slurred speech jokes made
but he had a lot to say
yet all of them suppressed so he watched... listened as his peeps went on their day
after the tragedy on the bed he laid
Motionless almost dead
overdosed on pills yet he swayed
normally so no attention paid
no emotions shown all of them suppressed n there he said I'd rather feel pain
then nothing at all guilt felt emotions mailed
so he stopped his pills n felt them...
though it killed him he felt them n soon after every day became same
he got used to them pain
n there he remembered one word from past never give up: survive till u r the last man on earth . well not exactly but similar one u get the gist
someone from his past relied on him... trusted him till the end n so his journey as the shadow walker begins
or so he thought but past returned time and again it begins to haunt him till he went insane
he was in the past too n it happened again
should've gone to rehab but he refused
he had a fucking short fuse
so he lit it - ended the fuse
and he now became the abuse
an abuse to abuse those who abused
the mental loophole so he became the soul saving asshole who loves disgusting gore movies n blood n puss but this guy was once a wuss
he still avoids meds don’t get him wrong
but that's only cause pain made him strong
and he can function for days short but not long
he had learned that one dose per day is good till sleep comes
insomnia ... yes he has
but when mind is exhausted at 3sm... out of gas
one falls asleep so rest gained
insomnia decreased n sleep obtained
still he has long ways to go
deep inside he still knows
that it was that pain that made him grow
isolation n humiliation n inside guilt
was his foundation from where he was built
he loses control still he does but much controlled still he bold at times n he angry mess
but that is his voices hiving caressed
and talking him he needs a break
his voices are a part of him no regrets

-Yakaa: Jujaan

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