chaos

everything's so heavy
it's too much to carry
the load of all these emotions
and all the frustrations
it's normal one time
and everything looks fine
but suddenly everything's on
no forms
but all the emotions 
that are kept hidden
gushes out and overwhelmes me
and i can't see
anything clearly
it's too much for me
but it's written in the sands of dee
a pain only for this body
no wait! it's for my mind
i just gotta brac myself till i unwind

it's the same thing 
day in
and day out, i can't feel anyting
and that leads to sadness
the kiss 
of emptyness
no emotions in me
no quantity
no nothing
a waste of life, but i'm living
with a pain that doesn;t heal
with the seal
of numb
i've cut my thimb
many times just to feel
the real deal
of pain

no it ain't me
that wasn't my doing
no i wasn;t toying
with ya'll
i have no such goal
to mess with anybody
and especially that shawty
girl that i like
wait it's not me again
i don't wanna pick any fight
with anyone
hell i wanna fight
that's what give me delight
oh! c'mon man
it's not me again and dammn
how i wish i could explain
in plain
words what i do
but there's more to
me than meets the eye

boon it happens
and it syphones
a hell lota enemy's
but i wish that  they could see
that i'm not an angry beast
but that i'm trying to defeat 
that beast
and not repeat
that mistake again
that i'm still sane
that i'm not a lame
loser who loses to the anger
that i myself is my most danger-
ous enemy that i just can't
control my rage no matter how much i want
to control it
that i'm like a ticking
time bomb ready to explode
like a hulk
and destroy a bulk
of everything

i hear voices 
and loud noises
that don't really exist
that those voices also consists
of visuals
and it's beccome a usual
thing for me to talk
and stalk
non existing beings
and hear the story of non-living things
i am more deep 
cause i feel
things that are not even there
i stare 
into the deep blue eyes
that likes
me back like i love
them but like i said above
they really don't exist
but they are there for me
nobody can see
or hear them but i can
no! they are not ghosts bu a figment
of my schizophrenia

yay! I'm happy
but that was a acrappy
minute ago
now i'm so
sad that i could literally cry
an ocean, no wait now i can dry
that same ocean, yes
it's rage
damn those
mood swings
but one thing
is constant that hind-
ering feeling in the heart
one thats never apart 
from me, yes the only
thing constant, loneli-
ness but apart from that
my heart's a magic hat
cause nobody knows
what it'll grow
out to be, like it's unpredictable
jumble of cables
like nobody
not even me
knowing where one emotion meets
another one's end
or when one emotion might
begin...

-yakaa: jujaa