extra dark coffee

after a long time you were the first one to touch my soul and spawn those feelings that had long gone and left me without a place to call home but you came in my lame  life, at the same  time i was about to loose in this game called life and die believe me I've tried many times but I've barely survived and i dived in your love you became my all above to me, my world revolved around you but now you were gone again and i would never be the same and i know that you'd return in a short term of days but i couldn't just say that I'd be fine without you cause our memories haunt me and that's all i could be and aimless life form #promise -yakaa: jujaa

language: nepali samanya jivan, ma tyehi matra chahanthe tara samajle malai sadhai hepi rahanthe sara hep ma bahaduri le sahanthe ra aafno duniyama ma antheafai ramauthe naramaepanima kosish garirahanthe ek din hoina dindinai ma runthe sara saathi harule pani malai runchhe nai bhanthe kira jasto malai ganthet mayako aash garirahanthe ghrinako bhasa bhulera yeta uta dulera naya naya saathi sanga bhulera samaya phalthe ma khera ek naya saathile nai malai maya diyo mera sara pida liyo mero aatma hun thiyo khursaani bhanda piro tyehi aatma lai angalyo mera sara pida pakhalyo tyehi satha lei naya umanga pei aaba uthchhu ma hasera ramauchhu ma nachera phaldina aaba ma mero samay khera malai ghrina garne haru, malai hepne haru, aaba ma ka garchhu hera... -yakaa: jujaa

language: nepali ho ma manchhu ki ma sarbashrestha chhuina mero takiya lai thaha chha ki ma kahile kahile ruina tara malai matra thaha chha ki maile k k bhoge mrityo tarfa badheko kadam bich baato mai roke ra aafno laagi aafai uhte ma manasik tanab le chhoirahanthe kothako andhakaarma basi roirahanthiye bigat ka din samjhi aashu bagauthe khushikaa ti chhyanka yaadlai mayale jogauthe ra bhawishya ujjowal banaune sochtheiye ma sapanama ma aakashma hideko dekhthe tara andhakaarle malai bich baato mai chekthe tyo andhakaarlai hatauna khoje aani bistaari ujyalo tarfa hidna thale ma kasam euta khaye maile hares khanna kahilei jati badha aaye pani yo yatra ma rokne chhaina kamjoor dekhe pani ma kamajor manko hudai hoina ra yehi athot lei aafno bhawishya aafai lekhne chhu ma -yakaa: jujaa

so here i am laughing with my friends about some new trends that caught our eyes not that we despise such things and suddenly my abnormality strikes mu heart like a dart piercing through silence it makes me violent my heart beat goes up and the time stops and suddenly i hear voices that gives me a hell lot of choices number one being run up and hide but i try with all my might to ignore it and be normal not to be formal but still act like I've been acting before i try to restore my last seen attitude but my aptitude says it's too much and i loose to my voice in such a way that i have to run away -yakaa: jujaa

i'm searching for something don't know if it's the wings or things or a reason for being a human being but I've always had a longing to find something that I've never been given or had don't know if its a job or a person or just a longing for a true home so i'm just wandering in a crowd with a frown looking at things with a dead eye and i despise nothing or like anything that goes on to some it may be just a normal day but I've been like this for days and i don't even listen to what anyone has to say not even a phrase or a praise catches my attention i'm just looking for a home somewhere i belong -yakaa: jujaa

its not that i don't want you to have any more friends but it still in someway kills me when someone gets more yea just a little bit more close than i am and as i stand ready to fight by your side those people makes me wanna hide from the light yet i smile bright ad try to hide my emotions and i know that you will keep on grow-ing close relations but i just cant help but feel it this gross feeling of jealousy -yakaa: jujaa

sometimes all you need is hope to do something so dope that you won't even need a soap to wash away someones sadness sometimes you being there is all that matters your satires can make somebody shed tears of joy that lonely boy that plays with toy that ragged one, yes that toy give him some love and you will shove some of his smile towards his face and yeah you may be a nut case but a little bit of care wont hurt anyone and please stare into someones darkness, someones abyss and dare to kiss their forehead then their heart will melt so don't be afraid to to take a step into the world of kindness you never know how much happiness can your one word can mean to someone -yakaa: jujaa

is it okay to throw old memories just so you can make new memories, throw old piece of paper to create a new wrapper of art? a new journeys about to start but what if that new journey says don't leave old memory save them and continue the journey along with it and take both of them together but shit it means i cant completely focus of any one of them journeys or memories, but i am the same old person and what if i cant take both of them gifts the and one and new what if the loads too much for me? what should i do? -yakaa: jujaa

then you came yet i still remain the same your name meant more than any fame still why can't i change why do i want to avenge my own crime the time changes a lot of things and so it did  i wanted to be your support you always saw my chaos so i did, at least i tried my best to take you out from your own hell then you became so special that i didn't wanna loose you guess you thought about that too that's why you became my support you deported my loneliness and became so dear so i fear loosing you... -yakaa: jujaa

I've been down a lot of times more times than I've written rhymes more times than the sun has dared to shine more times than a kids drawn a line but the fact is i get up i finally stood up cause i stopped thinking about what could've had and what could've been i stopped thinking about the possibilities and i'm taking one day at a time, but i do make plans but never leave anything to chance as the life plays a game of dance -ing with death with me i choose to see the brighter path but sometimes i just say let it be this lust for life ain't getting me anything so i rise above life and try to get good vibe from nothingness but i couldn't care less except for that careless person that is my own alter self -yakaa: jujaa

thanks for coming into my life which was full of lies you made the time fly but the time has come to say good bye u made me touch the sky and your sent made me high so as i write with teary eyes i'll never despise you even if you become a shadow of your self, i'd find your hideout and remember your former self i'd gladly help you even if you are nothing of what you are now and i don't know how will i care for you i will love you too even if you loose everything that makes you you cause that's how i am i remember everything that you said and now you are already a voice inside my head and maybe i was too late to save you from yourself but somehow you developed an alter ego and now its time to let go and move on - yakaa: jujaa

i have always been there and i have always cared for anyone who crosses my path but you've shared so much of your layers and left them exposed to me just so that i can see your true demons how can you be a behemoth of rage, yet you re so soft to me your rough hands gentle touch touches me and i melt away but then again you sway to my gentle hands soft touch these gentle hands have  promised to keep you safe from every one, even your own self these gentle hands will help you be the best versions of yourself my warmth will give you strength and your stiffness will provide something wide for me to lean on - yakaa: jujaa

she came like a soft breeze and she seized my heart with a gentle touch that my beat, yes heart beat began to fluc- tuate, then turned my world  upside down i even stopped to frown and showed me sides that only few knew hence my life took a new turn, hell even the dew  drops began to talk with me but as soon as i was getting used to that calm setting she went up high into the sky and  began creating chaos here goes a story of how a gentle dew turned into a storm but i love it so instead of running  i found it funny there i laid, till i got washed up and landed somewhere far where i got lost so this is where i stop -yakaa: jujaa

a few days how can it influence a person so much I'll always care for everyone that stares into my eyes and so coincidentally you've become one of them somehow you've revived the same feelings that I've buried long ago the feelings that were once dead and like I've already said I'll always care even with those dark glare that disturbs your shine every word every lines that you've said are left unforgotten they are forever caught and etched in my heart and no I ain't that smart by that I mean that level where you bevel and emboss a picture without anything i will forever care for you and love you till you want it i will be your  pinch-of-hope till you recover bit by bit -yakaa: jujaa

i act but that's all i got left to keep myself same from my own emotions, i don't want no help from anybody but i'm getting them from everybody but i feel no shame cause i haven't asked them from anyone and now i ain't got no home and my hearts turned into stone and after years of hone- ning my skills I've finally succeed in letting my head taking over my heart cause once broken and hurt heart only gives bad advice so we should only listen to it in trifle amount I've learned to ignore the sounds the voices in my head that speaks of hatred I've learned to lie so high that even the sky despises me, i like to hide the monster in me the one no one must ever see -yakaa: jujaa   

language: newari khowya khwae mafta ji aesa sunka chowna khoi haeka nuga:ya khapa chaekaa pulangu di lumanka ji aa: simha manuchhe sunka chowna chowna jilaa ashwaknowta laa khani gulichaka ji ba:ni ba:ni jhyala sa timilata swoya khowya chownu gulichaka ba:ni ba:ni ka:sisa timila ya  ta swoya chhanta fowna chownu? chhanta jigu khwa he swae mamadu  wo kha chha jit madhasa ji syu wo kh ji syu sa mashyu thae yar mafu jigu nuga:le ghaa majuni saa bulu bulu gha juya wai the chhow mayju maguta ju chhanta yaeka chowni chhangu nuga:ya kha syu siyachowsa masyu the yana chownu aesa chhanta ji maya:sa ji chhanta he yaeka chowni ji jigu jiutali ya timilaeta showya kha lhaima mayju ji chhangu jiuytali timila chhe ju sa jyu dhaka ji fowna chowna ji na chhangu nuga:li timilaya thae dayki phaema dhay ji phowna chowna -yakaa: jujaa

that face that nut case oh i remember that past the one that had lasted for so long but now i have blasted out from that prison don't want to remember when i was cast out from my own home and treated as an outcast a  misfit, a maniac a schizophrenic but I've grown now i now know how not to bow before these issues, but how not to fight them but to gain their powers and restrain the beast within until i can release that beast into something peace- full something least harmfull something that suits me -yakaa: jujaa

sorry for saying this but the way you are cut- off from the world the way you live inside your small hut and the walls that you've built will one day break down and one day your frown will turn upside down and somebody someday will make you wear a crown and tear down the shield that you keep around yourself so you just gotta let go but be in control though for i will be watching you atleast for the time that i get to spend with you i know that it's short but i will watch your chin rise up in pride cause one day you'll ride a happy horse and for the time being i'll follow everything you do and i will grow up with you too -yakaa: jujaa

maybe i was born for this caring for others shit and bit by bit tearing me apart taking everything by heart and here i lay flat thinking i can outsmart life in the game that its playing with me reminiscing pain it has given me and turning them into words and writing what the world thinks of me at the same time keeping track of the words and turning them into rhymes and i know that this peace of text isn't about the world cause the mind cant rest and i know that someones going through crap and writing about it just like i did sipping cold coffee persons mid softening and she writes about her experiences and her pain and knowing she'll never be the same again -yakaa: jujaa