extra dark coffee

I was lost like a parasite without a host like an aimless ghost like a useless dust and then a fluke happened like a beggar had just found a large fund but that fluke of luck left me with a huge lump I had to say “oh fuck!” yea I actually went t the dump and had to vomit twice when the dice of fate got stuck on two oh! My love was true and yet I couldn’t keep her so I was a goner from the start; I had barked up the wrong tree but she left me that is on mutual agreement but that sour luck that made a mock happiness actually turned out to be good for me, I went south to a desert and found an oasis that drowned me and built me up I once wished that I could stop and rewind time but not anymore and even though I have a sore and broken heart at least it’s not torn apart she was a fluke of a true love but she made me a dove that learned how to protect what mattered to me and keep it safe for my own sake but she did left me with a scar; the one which ha...

In a dark night I wanna be a dark knight and fight for somebody who hides from everybody who only sees the violence released and the peace seized who searches for those lost keys of peace the one that decreases with the passing of time “look at the moon it’ll disappear soon but look at it illuminating the night sky, accumulating the light from the sun and giving it all has in return this I wanna say and be that dark knight that gives a slight ray of hope just like the moon… -yakaa: jujaa

I may not write about much but you are embedded in my mind in such a way that you haunt and taunt me even till now I wonder how would I have grown if I hadn’t made that right turn that is you… no! I wouldn’t greet you or call you a mistake anymore so I might sound like a hypocrite but you were a good turn that made me burn with fire even though you were a liar but you made me grow and sow positive seeds so I heed- -ed your words and I have become a better person, I might come off as a mad man passing and moving loosely like a sand slipping through the hand and going back to land but you made me better than before and still I think about you in my sore mind you are one great find and although we were never meant to be I see what I’ve become one hell of a perfect storm… #promise (it’s been six months since we parted our ways and it’s been a rough ride for me. it woulda been rougher if I hadn’t met #batman but let’s stick to the topic. We meet every once...

She wills me on like a bright sun shining, even though she’s but all gone her battle’s over, she won! and although it was a short one she’s finally where she belongs but I’m still here thinking of her while I stare at her image oh! So clear in my memories I cherish the time well spent and right now I have no one to vent on to, I cried till my tears dried but no! I’ll never see her again but just her words makes me wanna do broad decisions, her one wish is her small hiss is the thing that pushes me to be better than I was yesterday and as much as I say, she was the one who got away and on the ocean she lays gone with her ashes #simu(well I already wrote a bunch about her on my previous poem [april] so m just gonna keep it short. I’m haunted by her memories nowadays.  Her memory’s been haunting me for past couple of weeks. Her voice…her face…her smile…her smell. It’s all fresh in my mind and it’s been pushing me further to do my best in whatever I’m curre...

“maybe we’ll be more than friends someday” Or so she said And then she just left With a beautifull gift Her memories The one that sprang up a tree Of hope But it’s hard to cope With her loss But i did; like a boss It’s been quite some time Since i began to rhyme But now i’m rhyming in her memory Forever written in the sands of dee She is missed And her memory kissed Everyday and i dust and guard them Everyday cuz life just ain’t the same Without her Those incomplete sketches that she made Those suggestions well said Where will i find someone like her??? She is after all gone Gone in the month of april With a lie so sweet “let’s meet again soon shall we???” But it’s been Years and years And tears Swell up as i read our old chats The fact That she’s dead doesn’t help I can still hear her yelp When she made a mistake In her sketch “you are missed my dear” That i wanna say Before i go to bed Everynight #simu(it’s been 3 years since i last saw her...3 ...

a thought creeps all the happiness sweeps away as I lay below the dim light of the lamp my sight has become damp from the tears that I’ve been holding, I swear to become strong tomorrow and row the boat of life I’ll strive to become better I’ll take the shelter from sadness, from the madness within but I promise to live on I won’t die even if my demon spawns and grows bit by bit I won’t do shit- ty things that brings my demons to rise and I will fight till my last ounce of energy so Mr. Grim reaper Not Today (when the voices begin to rise…) -yakaa: jujaa

of course I get happy even when she cracks crappy jokes, when she brings out her smile I smile even though we are miles apart, well not literally but those bitterly feelings makes me feel like we really are how I wish I had a bike or a car so that I could drive anytime to see your smile and I make fun of myself trying to look like an idiot in need of help yelping like a dog whose been hog- tied to a pole and even if I am sore In my mind your kind smile saves me from myself #batman(her smile… makes me wanna smile myself and I do even though most of it is fake…she makes me wanna be strong…stronger than I am right now. One of the most influential person in my life) -yakaa: jujaa

too many words in my head so I try to put it here instead of speaking them out those words are all about me myself and her the one who stirs up my feelings and keeps them under control the on whose role is very important the one who is a god sent gift to me the who resides within my memories the one who sees everything that I do and she controls m sometimes too this one’s for her; my friend the one who bends her own rule and this much is true that I love her and I am thankful too #criss_walker (well I love her. She I the one who calms me down most of the time besides #batman) -yakaa: jujaa

“What was it? that made me say Oh shit! whom did I kiss? that tore me to bits what was that event? what sent me to the depths of despair a despair that I can’t share what made me stare? ; a loss of someone I care? just what was it? that made me need my medicine kit?” at the roof-top in the middle of the night with no soul in sight smokes a man with no delight cramped feelings, torn emotions but he expresses them through motions of his wrist and by banging his fist but what was the trigger? that made him this a monster among man… #obscure_halo (it literally took me 30 mins to type this shit and it’s taking even more to upload it here. Some event that I can’t recall today made me… well her explode. I’m barely maintaining control over my own body and I’m wondering what was that trigger? Was it the psychiatrist visit???or the meet with #promise??? Or the talk with #batman??? Or something else???. Blurry vision, beeping ears and shaking hand with an upset stomach. ...

it hasn't been long but my emotions are strong and they have been seldom wrong and rarely have taken a wrong turn so I'm sure I'm right to continue this fight I'm sore that my worry for her is correct, despite having a blurry vision I'm sure that she ain't using to lure other guys out of her life, she too is  tying to thrive in what little sun she has and i know both she and me will run outa gas soon but till then  I'd rather be insane with her; my best friend till my life ends #batman (each an every line of this poem.) #iku_iku (the part where i wanna be insane till the end and my emotions not taking a wrong turn)

a day's end a god sent gift to me cause I can finally be me, i can dance to the beat of my heart one that's been hurt and hurled a million times, till i've curled in a ball while i try to stall back my emotions keep control and let it roll cause it's finally night no light in sight as the darkness covers up the sky i hang on for my dear life just a few more moments of light and then the fight winn end and another battle will begin a heavy feeling on my chest while i try my best to control my suppressed emotions and i've guessed a million way to speak and say or maybe not speak or just eat my emotions the ones that weigh a hundred tons -yakaa: jujaa

we met again and i was no longer sane by this time around, by this time around every sand had been amplified and nor simplified by any means, the images were as dark as coffee beans that had been roasted too much and i said oh! fudge it's her again her stains in my memory were still visible not by any means little nibble but big bite a memory both light and dark and she sprung like an angel the one who's too tough to handle and grabbed my arms just like a lucky charm which does no harm and it felt like a swarm of bees had just moved past a light embrace both fast and memorable, but it doesn't end here she bragged my cheeks there and then, i thought why had i fought why had i resisted her memories why did i let the seas of worry overtake me but i trembled then, so you see she has this effect on my body the he inside me resists and hates her touch but others loves it in such a way that it effects me physically her loli face and her smell ...

as you look at me me! the one's who's been forgotten by the sands of dee you see a saviour and i savor your looks as i look back all those heavy sacks of burden just lessens by looking at your eyes and i dive into them but this time you're saving me not by doing anything that can be seen but just by existing completing me cause you have taken a part of me forsaken and you have healed a part sealed  within so i try to be there for you just like the way you do and i try to be your ray of hope and i try to grope your feelings and remove any sealings and express them like you do and i'll be therefor you from your darkest nights to your brightest day from your deepest fights till the time you lay exhausted in your bed when you stare into the abyss #batman (well she has been healing my emotional damage so yea m fond of her. ) -yakaa: jujaa

always in the back of my mind you're always staring behind me unable to see my hind emotions which unwinds as soon as i see you but i see you in RGB not in grayscale clad in a  chain-mail Armour carrying the almighty excallibur blade to revive the emotions that laid dead in my  heart yea i know you're hurt so please let me try to hold you up please just stop with all those waste thoughts the thoughts that once caught me offgaurd and made me drown i can't see you frown please just stop having your expectations high or you'll never fly or rise to the sky i want to see you at the top of the mountain even if it stains our  relationship i am after all a blip of light, forgotten quikly but to me you'll always remain a gold piece and i will always restrain myself from feeling too much when you're around #promise(some of the lines are for her. it's your job to figure out which ones. some of the lines overlap my feelings towards her an...

None and gone all i feel is that like i've spat on to the rock and i need to stop doing that feeling that wait...do i even feel at all??? No! not even when i call my deepest demons who has made my heart it's home but i do feel some remorse over those few events that happened over a course of a long time and i do sometimes whine over my past one that had some dark and bright day but hey!!! i also smile like a wild goose over those happy moments but as of mostly my emotions gone gone from my heart and yea i may not be smart but enough to tell when it's going bad and as i walk clad in my hoodie with a coffee smoothie that's bitter i hear the titter-tatter of raindrops and the rustling crops in the nearby feild but i can't feel anything in-spite of being a human being but in those rare moments that i feel i have to steel my heart from feeling too much #promise (the only person who can make me feel deeply despite of not being in my l...

the filthy crowd in the street and I am the only freak having streak of attacks and counting every leaf that falls from every branch and i dance to the music in my earphones desperately trying to go to my home but i can't and i dance again to the numbing feelings trying to remember the person i zinged with trying to call them so that things will go the same way i want them to i feel like caged in the zoo too much people and no escape the sanity has left but i can't cause i have plans -yakaa:jujaa

Children shouting In a crowded Place shrowded In mystery, rowdy Guy riding a bike Some tourists going for a hike I can hear ‘em all Even a liny leaf that’s taking a fall Or a vine creeping up the wall I can hear them And can put them frame by frane And yet m not listening To any of it even when i can hear a faint ding-dong In a distant house Or a mouse M speaking But i can’t hear my own words I can hear them all but nothing reaches my ear -yakaa: jujaa

A little memory of this a little memory of the kiss a little memory of that diss and a little memory of that silent kiss that she used to hiss on my ears  yea this heart still cares for her and stares into the lair of memories  she planted the trees  she planted the seeds  that would leech off my delinquency so I owe her that  and even though our relation was short last  it made me grow  and made me able to stand toe to toe with fate she made  me a better person so I owe her something #promise  (even after almost four months of break up with her… she still haunts me. yea we broke up but I guess it was a good thing for both of us. Her memory still haunts me but I’ve learned to live with it just like I’ve learned to live with the memories of #pandu or with the  what little memory I have of #pinch_of _hop and I’ve grown a lot sine then. I’ve learned a lot since then. So I guess I owe her for turning me into what a rubiks c...

Nothing’s wrong with my life  yet I’m desperately trying to survive  a single day without getting depressed everynight my suppressed  emotions take over my heart all those times when I’ve been hurt  and couldn’t cry; to make up for those times  my laughter stops and my smile fades away and I begin to say nonsense,  talk to the voices on my head  but instead of talking I could always cry  can’t I? well saying “yes” would be a huge lie  but despite my attempts to hide my frown the moonlight brings out the tears in my eyes  but NO I can’t cry I just lie  in my bed with a lump in my throat… (well i've skipped a hell lota poems so yea too bad for u[those who actually read my blogs] m just gonna cobtinue with this one but rest assured. it's gonna be regular from now on) -yakaa: jujaa

a pic a click with her and another day spent fully  don't wanna be bullied wanna make a few of them happy not crappy wanna get rid of my own emotional instability, wanna find a home taste the dew a few more crew added, eating chicken stew wanna get wet with rain, not sweat with her and her curls just one more day wanna lay in bed talking instead of doing anything else just caressing her face wanna get rid of those voices in my head and make strong choices wanna get free from this delinquency not big ones just a small kiss and there's all my wish #promise -yakaa: jujaa