extra dark coffee

No more will to fight No more will to strive For what i really care for No more strength left in store I’m all but drained All those feeling restrained Are comming back to me, what have i gained By caging them? By playing the stoic game Nothing but being framed as a fool I tried to look cool But it backfired But damn i’ve wired Myself to play that game forever I know thaat it’s not clever Of me but what’s done is done And it’s exhausting me, it ain’t no fun But can i go back And crack Joke like a normal person? No! That phase is long gone I think that that game’s getting to me though Cause i almost feel no more Yet i feel drained as hell Might as well yell But i can’t even do that Well i can but i can’t So i choose to dance In this auto-pilot mode -yakaa: jujaan(back after a long time)

a heartbreak a creak in someones voice not the things humans enjoy a pain that stains the heart that people turn into art some by creativeness like turning into an actress but we all are actors in this stage of life the one with a sharp knife and we are walking on it edge all of us, standing near the cliff's edge just one more step and it'll all be over this is reality is too painful to face while sober i know that we all have thought that just one curt and it'll all be over as i write about this thing my vision blurs and i remember those days past when i was hanging on the last strand of hope when all i could do was mope around and cry and try to make it through the day so what i am trying to say is have some hope and hand on to that last rope of positivity and stay sane and if you can be someones cane and hold them up cause all of us know the same pain but some of us remain strong but some of us fall but that doesn't mean that they can't crawl back into this ...

i saw her lying i saw her crying but suddenly she smiled like all those tears were only lies and her emotions are a turmoil the ones that can boil at any point in time but she is one sublime creature that catches my rhyme the one who has managed to climb all the way to the top of my list and despite i have unleashed my beast, she has handled me with a twist of smile in her face but that's not totally the case she is a demon in hiding she is a fallen angel fighting she is an angel the one who is dangle- -ing in hell with a rope of hope is she in trouble??? Nope but she can bring upon a perfect storm she can help you restore the deform in your head, she is an angel... but only when she sleeps #batman -yakaa: jujaan

But what about us? She said As i lay dazed Out in the sun I was just about done And i knew that she was nothing more than a hallucination Her spiritual maze was on And i was trapped in it Finding my moment of peace But then tears flowed Time slowed As i realized she was no more I do have a score To settle with her though And it follows me no matter where i go The debt that she placed on me The debt that made me who i want to be I remember her a lot She was a major plot In the movie of my life The one with many mental fights And as i fall from this graces height And land on this place of blight Her thought keeps the words going on But although i’ve all but lost my home There are some Part of me That finds some peace In her memories #simu(something i’ve told way many times before. I miss her n i feel saddned by her but just thinking about her makes me wanna grow. C saw the part of me thay sletches... never got to show her what i write and although she is long ...

i"ve been chasing it for sometime like a sniper waiting  to snipe slowly and patiently and just as i about to catch him he runs away far from my grasp and then i laugh like a madman flaring my hand up in the air cause i know what happens next i loose the person i right in my index finger like the person i count the first and she is leading me like a bright beacon like i'm her lost son and all i can do is reach out for her reach out for her red curls she is looking at me with those eyes the ones that despises my sad face but all i can do is chase her cause i'm forever falling behind... #batman (m always chasing her shadow) -yakaa: jujaan (though she is leading me to the bright path... i'm afraid that i'll be left behind... just like #pinch_of_hope left me behind... just like #promise left me behind. i'll always be afraid of that,) blog exclusive _eklo yatri

caged enraged a staged performance with a damaged head somewhere fed up with my own existence i am lost hence i don't know where i came from hell i don't even have a place to call a home to begin with all i feel is like shit like a bug squashed by my own feet my fleet of the army of happiness disappearing slowly i saw it long ago, flowing down along with my tears but i have not smeared every bit if tears all across till not a drop remained anger restrained by those voices that haunt me a person only i can see that exists somewhere in my own head yea i feel like i am that person the one who has no home lost somewhere... stuck somewhere... in a limbo between reality and illusion... #the_25th_hour -yakaa; jujaan (i've lost my home... not the physical one but a mental one. i don't find my peace of mind anywhere... not even with those who were my home a few weeks past. a heavy heart is all i have... an angry mind is all i have. ) a blog exclusi...

no one to open up my heart so I'm like a child lost in a super mart with nowhere to go and no one to open up to people say "go and screw yourself up. you ain't the only one with problems you ain't the only one with difficult sums shoved up your ass" i do know that everyone has their own shits to deal with some of whom is greater than what fits in their head but i'm just a human being just content with seeing everyone i love happy but i need someone to tell how crappy i feel when people ignore me i'm just steeling my feelings day's have gone by like this feeling like shit feeling that i'm not enough so I'm here cough -ing my insides by smoking too much just cause i don't wanna make any fuss with anyone i just wanna express my feelings after all i'm just a human being so here i'm writing out what i feel but that deal i made with the devil is paying up still i wanna stop feeling like no one man i wanna feel someone to someone but all ...

As soon as the darkness sets in I remember those places i’ve been Through, those tough times i’ve seen, Those times when i was keen To know what awaits me At the other side of the tunnel Keen to know what the other side of the funnel Holds for me Oh! So keen to see What awaits for me in the end Those were the times well spent But now i’m dead inside And my face doesn’t hide Any emotions, well not that i feel Much off anything to begin with, i’ve steeled My heart to feel anything And despite being a human being Those emotions have left my heart Well that heart which has been hurt As much time as hurt can be covered with dirt; Dirt as long as the hearts girth But i need to feel In order to exist and be free In this realistic world So i flirt With my emotions every now and then Hence i come off as insane But all i’m trying to do Is to get through A day with this hole in my heart And i know that i blurt Random words outa my mouth Just to let out My insane f...

I wanna be free And go on a spree Of doing the random things i like I wanna go on a hike With no destination And no tension.  The shackles that’s on my feet, The extreme heat Created by my own mind, I want to find Somewhere to escape from them But i know things won’t be the same So i want to make peace my dame And be glad that i have it I believe that peace Will free Me from my shackles and handcuffs I wanna smoke a few puffs Of rezilla and be high I wanna fly To the sky everyday Without any drug “what say??? Wanna loose yourself and be mine??? Wanna shine without any wine???” I want to be able to say that With a magical hat To others but i need to be free Myself and go on a winning spree I wanna find the light And be the reason someone else fights For light, i wanna be a pinch of hope For somebody else... -yakaa: jujaan

Well not a suprise that i’m dumb And i am to some extent numb to my own thoughts Numb to all those frauds That is happening around the world Numb to all those twirls And turns and this and that Numb to all those fat Lies amd fake promises Nothing to give, nothing to take And i’ve come to realize That the reality that i despise Is the one where i live in I have been To both dark and bright places And seen both pretty and ugly faces So i am an idiot Like an apricot Dog that sees itself in grayscale What sees is its reality only it can tell So i need to rise up from my idiocy And i needd to see The world for what it is Rather than living in my own world Which is very small I need to make a goal And fight my faults I need to fight my idiocy And dive into this deep sea Called reality... -yakaa: jujaan

I woke up The time had stopped But suddenly it started flowing The sun started glowing More than usual And the brutal Reality hit me hard I am dumb not smart I am lost I am a ghost Of my past self But just thinking won’t help Me,  i gotta move And swing to the groove That i am put in Even if it means dealing With the shits That is beat Into my head Cause that’s reality I am just a puppet of my thoughts I am just creating a fuss By just going with them I need to see The harsh reality I need to know That there is place for me to grow A million possibilities Both positive and negetive A million breeze A million outcomes to concieve And i need to realize that... -yakaa: jujaan

I thought i had vanished, My existance famished From not getting enough attention, Gone! My mind that’s lost its home But she came to my rescue She gave me a reason to do My best and gave me a reason to strive for And gave me a reason to make a goal And run towards it And I AM doing it bit by bit And i came to know that atleast she Has me In the back of my mind Cause she acted kind To me, she included me in her dreams The ones that screams For help And me myself Is her saviour The one that savors The life by eating her pains The ones that stains The apron by killing her distress I am the one who stresses Thinking of her strain She has me riding this train Of success with her And i am thankful to her for Including me in her mind The only place where i find Peace... #batman (c is the only person who includes me in her dreams... and among those few who thinks of me as something else than a burden) -yakaa: jujaan

Ok! Lemme be honest here Despite giving those silent stares Of love to the loved ones I can’t help but frown Cause i always feel ignored They won’t notice me even if i roared I’m always the one who’s considered last Despite going as fast As i can to help them if they ever need me But i’m satisfied just to be Included even if i am the last one In their mind but i say i’m done But not done,  cause i need them Just to feel the same Thing every freaking time Just so that i can whine About my feelings to them Which may be seen as a lame Excuse to keep friends But that’s the only excuse i have hence I put up with the shits just like they have put up with mine But one day i will shine And they will put me first And they will burst Up with tears Andd i won’t be the last to know Everything... -yakaa: jujaan

Why do i put up this fight? Why do i still write? Man i don’t know I’m just trying to grow Up and learn how to fight Just to see the light I’m just trying to be myself Yes i do need some help I try to be all that the world needs But is there anyone who heeds My call of distress As i lay there stressed Like seriously, What is normality For all i can remember i’ve been sad Despite the good fortunes that i’ve had But now,  i don’t even have the energy To do anything, the world i see Ain’t half bad So i should be glad But despite knowing everything I can’t adapt, i’m just a human being Dead inside Opened wide By the battle between what i know And what i feel yet i continue to grow Inside the conflict... -yakaa: jujaan

I can’t face this world anymore, My mind is gored My the emotions to such An extent, not much By yours in comparision but To me it’s too much, it just want’s to shut Down and never start up Tired of doing what it does, that is mope Around and shed those invisible Tears and it want’s to end any physical Form and call it quits And flip the switch Off. Tired of facing reality Tired if trying to see The world through others eye, This mind just want’s to bid bye But it want’s to see the light So it’s hanging on with all it’s might Trying to give up but not wanting to do it. I know that it smells a lot like hypocrisy But it is what it is All this mind want’s is a moment of bliss A moment to gather all it’s energy And take a refreshing sleep So it can fight again tomorrow... #the_25th_hour -yakaa: jujaan

I’ve killed them a millions of times And i’ve whined Too much just cause i killed them Things are not the same Times have changed Too late to mend Now cause i’m not a kid anymore Thousands of them killed Just to develop some skills. I got up when i wanted to sleep Stayed when i wanted to leave Left when i wanted to stay Painted when i wanted to sprey Sketched when i wanted to paint Borrowed when i wanted to lend And lend when i wanted to take Just for the sake Of someone else Just to help An elf Develop their skills And develop the power of will I always was a dwarf Controlling his barf A brute, an inferior Strong on the outside but on the interior??? It’s all messed up And i just have to stop Killing them My dreams... -yakaa: jujaan

Sukeko paat jhareko jhai Antim saas lie manchhe mareko jhai Dhalna thale ma pani Mera bachha haru lai maaf pau bhani Ti bachhaa haru jasle malai ghar banaeko thiye Tara aafnai bachha harule mero jyan liye Ti bachha haru jaslai ma manchhe bhanchhu Ti bachha haru jaslai ma sarbottam prani ganchhu Dhaalna thale mera daju bhai lai Prakriti haru sab khaye Afno swartha ko lagi Ajha auchhan mai kaha devi deuta bhaagi Dhowsta banaye prakriti Failaaye bikriti Ani ayo badhi pahiro Dubna thaale sochma gahiro Tara ajhai antim mauka dina chahanchhu Galti sudhaarne mauka chha tyo chahi manchhu Bharkhar naabalak chhan tini haru Tara chhaina malai marnu Tiniharu ko haat baata Ma rookh... -yakaa: jujaan

“just a cut It won’t hurt If just one goes off” He said but it’s time to stop Too many gone And too many have lost their home. Who you say? Those who lay Eggs and keep your insects at bay So you may Have guessed it Yea that obe too, the one who just bit You too ans left a red mark And they say again “oh! Hark”. You think i’m talking about humans here? I mean humans are the ones who destroyed their lair And as you give me a stare Down you wouldn’t want to go there The place where i’d been But a few years ago you’d have seen All those tall trees The one who swinged with the breeze But it’s all upturned now And yet you ask how? It’s your fault And you need to hault Cutting them down Cause the frown That those creatures give When you slip A saw between their home, That’d curse you and soon you’ll be left all alone With no scene of nature... -yakaa: jujaan

Aometimes i can’t express My excel- Ing emotions, i can’t speak My peak- Ing emotions I’m just left emotionless I try to express them Through words, though not the same Cause they are written And not smitten By expressions I’m just left expressionless Although i write in poetris And unseen stories They hold the most truth The hold the most brute Strength I’m just left breathless Every word i write Every vocal expression i despise And despite not showing any reaction If someone shows attraction Towards me I’m just left speechless Cause i know how damaged i am I’m insane but bam! If someone still cares for me I’ll see That they are cared for in return -yakaa: jujaan

dodhaarma chha kina ho aja? yaad airako chha sabko yo sajha halka matra bahakina pugeko thiye halka matra ramauna pugeko thiye tara feri tyehi puge sayad yestai po ho ki jindagi??? dherai khoje bhulna unlai yaad yeti diyo ki pugyo saat juni lai halka matra bhulna pugeko thiye halka matra jhulna pugeko thiye tara feri tyehi puge sayad yestai po ho ki jindagi??? sambandha ta tuti shakyo naata hamro futi shakyo halka matra hsna pugeko thiye halka matra sambandha gasna pugeko thiye tara feri tyehi puge sayad yahi ho maya??? manchhu gahiro chhaina tyo maya pahila jastai tara bikdaina jati chha tyeti maya sastai halka matra baliyo banna pugeko thiye halka matrai drid banna pugeko thiye tara feri tyehi puge sayad kasaiko pida dekhna sakdina hola.... #promise #pinch_of_hope -yakaa: jujaan