extra dark coffee

“What was it? that made me say Oh shit! whom did I kiss? that tore me to bits what was that event? what sent me to the depths of despair a despair that I can’t share what made me stare? ; a loss of someone I care? just what was it? that made me need my medicine kit?” at the roof-top in the middle of the night with no soul in sight smokes a man with no delight cramped feelings, torn emotions but he expresses them through motions of his wrist and by banging his fist but what was the trigger? that made him this a monster among man… #obscure_halo (it literally took me 30 mins to type this shit and it’s taking even more to upload it here. Some event that I can’t recall today made me… well her explode. I’m barely maintaining control over my own body and I’m wondering what was that trigger? Was it the psychiatrist visit???or the meet with #promise??? Or the talk with #batman??? Or something else???. Blurry vision, beeping ears and shaking hand with an upset stomach. ...

it hasn't been long but my emotions are strong and they have been seldom wrong and rarely have taken a wrong turn so I'm sure I'm right to continue this fight I'm sore that my worry for her is correct, despite having a blurry vision I'm sure that she ain't using to lure other guys out of her life, she too is  tying to thrive in what little sun she has and i know both she and me will run outa gas soon but till then  I'd rather be insane with her; my best friend till my life ends #batman (each an every line of this poem.) #iku_iku (the part where i wanna be insane till the end and my emotions not taking a wrong turn)

a day's end a god sent gift to me cause I can finally be me, i can dance to the beat of my heart one that's been hurt and hurled a million times, till i've curled in a ball while i try to stall back my emotions keep control and let it roll cause it's finally night no light in sight as the darkness covers up the sky i hang on for my dear life just a few more moments of light and then the fight winn end and another battle will begin a heavy feeling on my chest while i try my best to control my suppressed emotions and i've guessed a million way to speak and say or maybe not speak or just eat my emotions the ones that weigh a hundred tons -yakaa: jujaa

we met again and i was no longer sane by this time around, by this time around every sand had been amplified and nor simplified by any means, the images were as dark as coffee beans that had been roasted too much and i said oh! fudge it's her again her stains in my memory were still visible not by any means little nibble but big bite a memory both light and dark and she sprung like an angel the one who's too tough to handle and grabbed my arms just like a lucky charm which does no harm and it felt like a swarm of bees had just moved past a light embrace both fast and memorable, but it doesn't end here she bragged my cheeks there and then, i thought why had i fought why had i resisted her memories why did i let the seas of worry overtake me but i trembled then, so you see she has this effect on my body the he inside me resists and hates her touch but others loves it in such a way that it effects me physically her loli face and her smell ...

as you look at me me! the one's who's been forgotten by the sands of dee you see a saviour and i savor your looks as i look back all those heavy sacks of burden just lessens by looking at your eyes and i dive into them but this time you're saving me not by doing anything that can be seen but just by existing completing me cause you have taken a part of me forsaken and you have healed a part sealed  within so i try to be there for you just like the way you do and i try to be your ray of hope and i try to grope your feelings and remove any sealings and express them like you do and i'll be therefor you from your darkest nights to your brightest day from your deepest fights till the time you lay exhausted in your bed when you stare into the abyss #batman (well she has been healing my emotional damage so yea m fond of her. ) -yakaa: jujaa

always in the back of my mind you're always staring behind me unable to see my hind emotions which unwinds as soon as i see you but i see you in RGB not in grayscale clad in a  chain-mail Armour carrying the almighty excallibur blade to revive the emotions that laid dead in my  heart yea i know you're hurt so please let me try to hold you up please just stop with all those waste thoughts the thoughts that once caught me offgaurd and made me drown i can't see you frown please just stop having your expectations high or you'll never fly or rise to the sky i want to see you at the top of the mountain even if it stains our  relationship i am after all a blip of light, forgotten quikly but to me you'll always remain a gold piece and i will always restrain myself from feeling too much when you're around #promise(some of the lines are for her. it's your job to figure out which ones. some of the lines overlap my feelings towards her an...

None and gone all i feel is that like i've spat on to the rock and i need to stop doing that feeling that wait...do i even feel at all??? No! not even when i call my deepest demons who has made my heart it's home but i do feel some remorse over those few events that happened over a course of a long time and i do sometimes whine over my past one that had some dark and bright day but hey!!! i also smile like a wild goose over those happy moments but as of mostly my emotions gone gone from my heart and yea i may not be smart but enough to tell when it's going bad and as i walk clad in my hoodie with a coffee smoothie that's bitter i hear the titter-tatter of raindrops and the rustling crops in the nearby feild but i can't feel anything in-spite of being a human being but in those rare moments that i feel i have to steel my heart from feeling too much #promise (the only person who can make me feel deeply despite of not being in my l...

the filthy crowd in the street and I am the only freak having streak of attacks and counting every leaf that falls from every branch and i dance to the music in my earphones desperately trying to go to my home but i can't and i dance again to the numbing feelings trying to remember the person i zinged with trying to call them so that things will go the same way i want them to i feel like caged in the zoo too much people and no escape the sanity has left but i can't cause i have plans -yakaa:jujaa

Children shouting In a crowded Place shrowded In mystery, rowdy Guy riding a bike Some tourists going for a hike I can hear ‘em all Even a liny leaf that’s taking a fall Or a vine creeping up the wall I can hear them And can put them frame by frane And yet m not listening To any of it even when i can hear a faint ding-dong In a distant house Or a mouse M speaking But i can’t hear my own words I can hear them all but nothing reaches my ear -yakaa: jujaa

A little memory of this a little memory of the kiss a little memory of that diss and a little memory of that silent kiss that she used to hiss on my ears  yea this heart still cares for her and stares into the lair of memories  she planted the trees  she planted the seeds  that would leech off my delinquency so I owe her that  and even though our relation was short last  it made me grow  and made me able to stand toe to toe with fate she made  me a better person so I owe her something #promise  (even after almost four months of break up with her… she still haunts me. yea we broke up but I guess it was a good thing for both of us. Her memory still haunts me but I’ve learned to live with it just like I’ve learned to live with the memories of #pandu or with the  what little memory I have of #pinch_of _hop and I’ve grown a lot sine then. I’ve learned a lot since then. So I guess I owe her for turning me into what a rubiks c...

Nothing’s wrong with my life  yet I’m desperately trying to survive  a single day without getting depressed everynight my suppressed  emotions take over my heart all those times when I’ve been hurt  and couldn’t cry; to make up for those times  my laughter stops and my smile fades away and I begin to say nonsense,  talk to the voices on my head  but instead of talking I could always cry  can’t I? well saying “yes” would be a huge lie  but despite my attempts to hide my frown the moonlight brings out the tears in my eyes  but NO I can’t cry I just lie  in my bed with a lump in my throat… (well i've skipped a hell lota poems so yea too bad for u[those who actually read my blogs] m just gonna cobtinue with this one but rest assured. it's gonna be regular from now on) -yakaa: jujaa

a pic a click with her and another day spent fully  don't wanna be bullied wanna make a few of them happy not crappy wanna get rid of my own emotional instability, wanna find a home taste the dew a few more crew added, eating chicken stew wanna get wet with rain, not sweat with her and her curls just one more day wanna lay in bed talking instead of doing anything else just caressing her face wanna get rid of those voices in my head and make strong choices wanna get free from this delinquency not big ones just a small kiss and there's all my wish #promise -yakaa: jujaa

i have a ton of stuff to do so what? boo hoo i don't wanna do   them and i'll just let them pile on tiill the time is gone i know that i'll gain nothing from doing nothing and i just wanna end it cause this will to do nothing is tearing me every bit of hope cause i just wanna sit and do nothing please somebody save me from this delinquency  -yakaa: jujaa

everything's so heavy it's too much to carry the load of all these emotions and all the frustrations it's normal one time and everything looks fine but suddenly everything's on no forms but all the emotions  that are kept hidden gushes out and overwhelmes me and i can't see anything clearly it's too much for me but it's written in the sands of dee a pain only for this body no wait! it's for my mind i just gotta brac myself till i unwind it's the same thing  day in and day out, i can't feel anyting and that leads to sadness the kiss  of emptyness no emotions in me no quantity no nothing a waste of life, but i'm living with a pain that doesn;t heal with the seal of numb i've cut my thimb many times just to feel the real deal of pain no it ain't me that wasn't my doing no i wasn;t toying with ya'll i have no such goal to mess with anybody and especially that shawty girl that i like wai...

people see down people often frown and often wear a crown of happiness; a round  smiley face  but like an untied shoe lace they always have something to regret something that they can never forget it is often said that threr's a place where all the demons are laid to rest and they desperately claw  scratch, dig deep down into their own flaw and pull back as hard as they can abck to the place where all the emotions are banned where they must dig deep and sweep the floor of any and all ray of hope yea when they've reached that place they'll be one tough person to face and from the darkness of that well they will rise and swell up to the skies that is if they can stop the lies that they've been telling themselves that they are a worthless piece of trash once they've cleared that lie they can tie themselve sto that faint ray of hope people are stronger than the strong- est rope ever built by anything both seen and unseen forces and then t...

So I brought it out and told them all about myself through mime as I fought hard to kill the time and between the gaps my pain surged and tested my hard forged will made up of some kind of steel as I steeled my heart from all the emotions, well I mean dark ones and in those moments of pain I saw her face whenever I looked up at the sky my life flashed before my very eyes yes! Even those moments I despised yet somehow felt serene in a ring full of happiness and pain I tried my best to remain sane then I asked myself what am I without her help? here by her I mean people who made my life a fairy fable each and every one of them the questions; am I really sane? do I really matter to them? or am I just a nut case they pity on?’ no! where I live in this city ain’t my home and I’ve been searching for a place a place where I belong maybe I’ll find it some- where, maybe it’s with her maybe… and there are a hell lota maybe’s a lot more than the number of babie...

you say that you love me but all i see is the affection in the darkest of complection you say that i am the favorite  but why do i feel the furthest away? but as i sway to the wind of my emotions that question remains, holding a gun to my head and those emotions, hiding their face wearing a mask waiting for me to come in range as i walk and follow my strange set of rules that drools over on my own self made cage that i've laid over my head well everything's the same but as i struggle to remain sane that question bugs me till i rest the question being "if i really am the favorite, why do i feel the furthest away???" #promise #khyampwa #dhowmpowa #iku_iku -yakaa: jujaa  

like a light amidst like a kiss in the abyss it shines and unwinds me when i look at the night sky  i remember all my lies and all i see is darkness and my lies hisses at me but i often wonder and plunder my emotions and think what would we see when we look at the sky together, would we despise it; the darkness, or see that faint light if the star and kiss each others scars can we look at them together? will we look at them together in the future? i wanna know what the stars hold for us and i know that we might even bite the dust and be separated by that time and i have been separated with many people; those who gave me any  and all hope but one thing i know that all the bravery i show are because of them who are lost those who gave me false promise o staying together so i said" later we will one day be commected through the stars" yea that's what i said to then and i will say the same to you #promise #pinch_of_hope #chi_chu #iku_ik...

haat ta chuteko chhaina saath pani tuteko hoina saayad dherai samaya nabheteko le hola futdai chha mero manma yaad ka gola coffee ko tito swaad jastai ho tyestai chha timro yaad rakshi le bhanda badhi dinchha maat bhaat pani ruchdaina malai dinchha malai tadhpai tara tyehi tadhpaima chha aananda timro tyo manda-manda muskaan ko jhajhalki auchha ani hamro saath ko yaad le satauchha kadha coffee pani guliyo lagna thalyo hare shiva! maile yo kun baato apnaiyo?  pidama pani khushi dekhchhu ma ra tyehi bhavlai paanama lekhchhu ma ho pirdaayak chha tara tyehima aananda chha tito coffee khayepachhi aune guliyo jastai timro yaad chha tyestai tyestai #promise #rikson_daiko_coffee -yakaa: jujaa:

i've been down before but now i'm being ggored down by my emotions i now need simplification of them cause they are being too complex but i somehow understand them those games that my emotions are playing, relaying my past memories, slaying all the hope inside me making me an oddity like i wasn't odd enough now i feel like there's no hope even as i spit out there dope rhymes, i feel so worthless there i rest my case cause i haven't been able to do anything, not even make a time table to do my chores and life's been a freaking whore fucking me over and over again till i no longer remain sane and not even the pills are doing their work hell i can't even feel bore- dom, all i feek is down like a gray hound who's lost his speed -yakaa: jujaa: