extra dark coffee

Nothing’s wrong with my life  yet I’m desperately trying to survive  a single day without getting depressed everynight my suppressed  emotions take over my heart all those times when I’ve been hurt  and couldn’t cry; to make up for those times  my laughter stops and my smile fades away and I begin to say nonsense,  talk to the voices on my head  but instead of talking I could always cry  can’t I? well saying “yes” would be a huge lie  but despite my attempts to hide my frown the moonlight brings out the tears in my eyes  but NO I can’t cry I just lie  in my bed with a lump in my throat… (well i've skipped a hell lota poems so yea too bad for u[those who actually read my blogs] m just gonna cobtinue with this one but rest assured. it's gonna be regular from now on) -yakaa: jujaa

a pic a click with her and another day spent fully  don't wanna be bullied wanna make a few of them happy not crappy wanna get rid of my own emotional instability, wanna find a home taste the dew a few more crew added, eating chicken stew wanna get wet with rain, not sweat with her and her curls just one more day wanna lay in bed talking instead of doing anything else just caressing her face wanna get rid of those voices in my head and make strong choices wanna get free from this delinquency not big ones just a small kiss and there's all my wish #promise -yakaa: jujaa

i have a ton of stuff to do so what? boo hoo i don't wanna do   them and i'll just let them pile on tiill the time is gone i know that i'll gain nothing from doing nothing and i just wanna end it cause this will to do nothing is tearing me every bit of hope cause i just wanna sit and do nothing please somebody save me from this delinquency  -yakaa: jujaa

everything's so heavy it's too much to carry the load of all these emotions and all the frustrations it's normal one time and everything looks fine but suddenly everything's on no forms but all the emotions  that are kept hidden gushes out and overwhelmes me and i can't see anything clearly it's too much for me but it's written in the sands of dee a pain only for this body no wait! it's for my mind i just gotta brac myself till i unwind it's the same thing  day in and day out, i can't feel anyting and that leads to sadness the kiss  of emptyness no emotions in me no quantity no nothing a waste of life, but i'm living with a pain that doesn;t heal with the seal of numb i've cut my thimb many times just to feel the real deal of pain no it ain't me that wasn't my doing no i wasn;t toying with ya'll i have no such goal to mess with anybody and especially that shawty girl that i like wai...

people see down people often frown and often wear a crown of happiness; a round  smiley face  but like an untied shoe lace they always have something to regret something that they can never forget it is often said that threr's a place where all the demons are laid to rest and they desperately claw  scratch, dig deep down into their own flaw and pull back as hard as they can abck to the place where all the emotions are banned where they must dig deep and sweep the floor of any and all ray of hope yea when they've reached that place they'll be one tough person to face and from the darkness of that well they will rise and swell up to the skies that is if they can stop the lies that they've been telling themselves that they are a worthless piece of trash once they've cleared that lie they can tie themselve sto that faint ray of hope people are stronger than the strong- est rope ever built by anything both seen and unseen forces and then t...

So I brought it out and told them all about myself through mime as I fought hard to kill the time and between the gaps my pain surged and tested my hard forged will made up of some kind of steel as I steeled my heart from all the emotions, well I mean dark ones and in those moments of pain I saw her face whenever I looked up at the sky my life flashed before my very eyes yes! Even those moments I despised yet somehow felt serene in a ring full of happiness and pain I tried my best to remain sane then I asked myself what am I without her help? here by her I mean people who made my life a fairy fable each and every one of them the questions; am I really sane? do I really matter to them? or am I just a nut case they pity on?’ no! where I live in this city ain’t my home and I’ve been searching for a place a place where I belong maybe I’ll find it some- where, maybe it’s with her maybe… and there are a hell lota maybe’s a lot more than the number of babie...

you say that you love me but all i see is the affection in the darkest of complection you say that i am the favorite  but why do i feel the furthest away? but as i sway to the wind of my emotions that question remains, holding a gun to my head and those emotions, hiding their face wearing a mask waiting for me to come in range as i walk and follow my strange set of rules that drools over on my own self made cage that i've laid over my head well everything's the same but as i struggle to remain sane that question bugs me till i rest the question being "if i really am the favorite, why do i feel the furthest away???" #promise #khyampwa #dhowmpowa #iku_iku -yakaa: jujaa  

like a light amidst like a kiss in the abyss it shines and unwinds me when i look at the night sky  i remember all my lies and all i see is darkness and my lies hisses at me but i often wonder and plunder my emotions and think what would we see when we look at the sky together, would we despise it; the darkness, or see that faint light if the star and kiss each others scars can we look at them together? will we look at them together in the future? i wanna know what the stars hold for us and i know that we might even bite the dust and be separated by that time and i have been separated with many people; those who gave me any  and all hope but one thing i know that all the bravery i show are because of them who are lost those who gave me false promise o staying together so i said" later we will one day be commected through the stars" yea that's what i said to then and i will say the same to you #promise #pinch_of_hope #chi_chu #iku_ik...

haat ta chuteko chhaina saath pani tuteko hoina saayad dherai samaya nabheteko le hola futdai chha mero manma yaad ka gola coffee ko tito swaad jastai ho tyestai chha timro yaad rakshi le bhanda badhi dinchha maat bhaat pani ruchdaina malai dinchha malai tadhpai tara tyehi tadhpaima chha aananda timro tyo manda-manda muskaan ko jhajhalki auchha ani hamro saath ko yaad le satauchha kadha coffee pani guliyo lagna thalyo hare shiva! maile yo kun baato apnaiyo?  pidama pani khushi dekhchhu ma ra tyehi bhavlai paanama lekhchhu ma ho pirdaayak chha tara tyehima aananda chha tito coffee khayepachhi aune guliyo jastai timro yaad chha tyestai tyestai #promise #rikson_daiko_coffee -yakaa: jujaa:

i've been down before but now i'm being ggored down by my emotions i now need simplification of them cause they are being too complex but i somehow understand them those games that my emotions are playing, relaying my past memories, slaying all the hope inside me making me an oddity like i wasn't odd enough now i feel like there's no hope even as i spit out there dope rhymes, i feel so worthless there i rest my case cause i haven't been able to do anything, not even make a time table to do my chores and life's been a freaking whore fucking me over and over again till i no longer remain sane and not even the pills are doing their work hell i can't even feel bore- dom, all i feek is down like a gray hound who's lost his speed -yakaa: jujaa:

yes i can't cry so why do my memories want me to do exactly that so much so that i break down like a fucking clown with a sad face  and let's just rest this case of emotional pain here and begin another one of physical pain and then some it attacks me from outa nowhere and as i stare into the abyss i remember that painful kiss from the pain itself now we're talking about double attack  now just hault for a second and make it a triple one every good feeling gone and i'm left with nowhere to go no pain-killer slows  the pain down but a little piece of sanity found in those small words #promise (back pain) -yakaa: jujaa:

it all began at night when i almost ate my dinner along with the plate and said i'm not hungry, i don't wanna eat and i'm gonna take a shit and so i did in my toilet seat but this shit's not about that it's about a fact that my emotion's come to me around this time, i can literally see the colors of that time when i used to shine and shit gets heavy on my head i wish i could just go stoic instead of feeling those emotions that i've bottled up, when i use puns to cover up for my sadness and to cover up my anger through madness thirty minute's passed and it just grows and i begin to want to throw up all that i've eaten those overwhelming emotion's beaten the shit outa my sense but as i just remain as dense as a fool as thought fights over as i duck for cover i become a sentimental fool messing up everything that the cool part of me has set up i wish i'd just stop being controlled by my emotions to this extent bu...

ghadima bahra bajeko chha tara yo ghadi ko k bhara sayad galat samaya po dekhako ho ki? kagatma pokheko masijhai chatpatirako chha man, kahi dulna gako hola yo mero chhati chiri resham firiri geet gaudai andhakarma chiri lukamari kheldai chha yo man ani mero dimaagma jhan anautha soch haru palauna thalea chhan hudai chha bhanabhan ti soch haru ko bichma bhari hudai chha sharir, thaleko chha thichna yo madhya raat ko sunyata le malai tara nindra ko atto patto chhaina bigat ka ritto yaad haruma ghumdai chha man kaanma ti yaad haruma chan-chan bajaudai chha bhajan- -ma nacheki aimaiko pauju jasitai awajharu bolaudai chha yaad haru le bhanera "aunu ma kaha ani sajaunu malai fulmala jastai" tara khasdia chhu ma aafnai mutu bhitrako dwanda ma kinaki mera sochharu swatantra roopma yuddha garera juddhdai chhan yo madhya raat ko sunyatama (actually wrote this a day back. fitting for tonight's situation too but it's more of an everynight thing for...

i've walked alone a million times had memories of people who've made me shine bright like a star memories of people who've stopped war inside my head for a few moments but never has my will bended towards a specific way that's fair to say that no road has ever been special to me, no broad memories in any other road not here, nor abroad not that i've ever left my hometown so i'm a hometown clown and yet that path is so special maybe because i've walked it a few times with someone dear who taught me to have no fear and to care  with no limits who's broken me to bits and pieces and sewn them all together yes my memories with her my memories of those warm night when there were only few people in sight and as i reminish them i realize that things have changed not our love but our situation  and that gives me tension so that path is special to me cause it makes me happy-sad and that's what love is; happy-sad so i guess i'...

I'm restless and breathless and it's 2am in the morning I'm up staring at the ceiling those flashbacks haunting taunting me, telling me what i lack as a human being reminding me to put up that facade of strength while i try to mend  my damaged emotions throwing caution to the wind but i get hurt easily too easily but I'm silly enough to not show them cause people pick upon others if they show weakness so i put up a fake facade of strength... (yea so i get hurt easily so what, i heal quickly too and that alone makes me damn near impossible to hurt, but it makes up for a hell lota scars; emotione one at that) -yakaa: jujaa :

someone just gave me a tip and that just gave me a blip of hope and a quote ran across my mind, the one that sand- polished me  and it seems that someone re-quoted that back to me, its a fact it said "and from your ashes you will rebuild you will rise and you will rebuild yourself from scratch and you will be stronger than before" well the quote's a little modified here but well that's just my habit   but just a while before my emotions tore me apart but that and a little encouragement start- ed things and i'm grateful to them   #promise (for the encouragement) #p_bro (for re-quoting that thing back to me) -yakaa: jujaa P.S. the original quote is "and from your ashes of your weakness shall rise your strength and you will rise again; stronger than before"

my palms sweat like i've lost a bet and my body shivers and my left hand quivers short breaths and a sharp headache but it all begins with the most simplest of things like a stammer of words,  like noticing the quirks but the most irritating thing is the soft voice that sings the lullaby of my own demise, add blurry eyes  to the list and that kiss of my demise begins to start leaving me asking questions like "what the hell am i supposed to do?" so i switch over whenever i can #criss(the switch over part) (#promise...don't worry this shit is a part of me) -yakaa: jujaa:

I'm not afraid of all those shapes that i see in the dark, not afraid of the dog that barks but i feel too much every emotions such as anger, happiness, calmness and sad- ness, too much to bear and that tears me apart everyday and i might say that I'm strong, THAT I am but not enough to stand tall before myself, i still need some help to relieve myself of those feelings like steeling them and caging them for a while, like a temporary stoic style but seeing some people makes me wanna break my facade; that i am strong like an adamantium car but I'm not... not enough... (just had a debate with #promise last night about this topic) -yakaa: jujaa:

it's raining there and i was having a fear of people seeing us  so we ran to the dust covered ally, well usually but that day it was mud, beautifully curled curls on her head that sweet smell of her hair the cold got to her and she shivered so i gave her my jacket and so went to an ally where we sat for longer than we had planned for her eyes had banned  my legs from moving my heart began to sing those songs of cupid but i knew that it was stupid of me to think that so i spat  to return to reality warp back to present she's my best friend's girl, a heaven sent  boon for him and although it seems like a dysfunctional shit i really hope that it works out for them but somehow my heart still skips a beat seeing her happy with that jackass it almost seems like a movie cast gone wrong the one whom I'd loved in the past   and the one whom i love are miles apart from being similar but past is past still it's a place where i fond s...

i saw flames in her eyes those flames that she'd hiding from sight of everyone with her facade  it's natural that she'd receive a large  part of hate but that's on debate coming back to me again things always remain the same but lets go back tto her she'd suffered a lot and been through some tight spot so she's strong handling tons of pressure on her own but look at me; a complain box whose life is nothing more than coaxed up lies to show the world that i'm okay so i've spat on myself a number of times in fact every time i whine    about every small things saying that i'm a strong human being but one thing connects us in spite of all the social dust that both of us fight the battles unseen by the world and so we lean on to each other for smiles that keeps on going for miles even though we are miles apart our heart always remains close and that's why I choose  her my love #promise (she is way stronger than she seem...